Love, Part 1

A good friend of mine forwarded an E-mail to me which has actually passed my desktop a couple of times in the past three years. I have not been able to verify its authenticity, so it’s possible that none of the children mentioned within are real and the comments are fabricated by one author. But then again, maybe not. A few of you may have received this E-mail in the past or even recently as well. And believe it or not, it actually invoked some thought and spurred me to write a little something today. The E-mail is transcribed below, followed by my commentary.

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Subject: Love

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

Rebecca - age 8

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."

Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"

Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."

Bobby - age 7

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate."

Nikka - age 6

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."

Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

Claire - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."

Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he ishandsomer than Robert Redford."

Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."

Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."

Karen - age 7

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."
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I love what Jessica had to say and I believe that it’s true. Most people think saying they love someone means they mean it. They don't want to or feel they have to actually prove it every single day with their deeds and intentions.

Billy's statement was way profound. Very Zen. Very deep. It inspires me to want to write something or commit a senseless act of art. And I agree with him wholeheartedly. This Billy must be a really intelligent and insightful 4-year-old from a very good home.

I'm not down with Nikka. I think her perspective is overly simplistic. Sometimes when we love our enemy, when we “hate the sin but love the sinner” (as it were), when we turn the other cheek without even stepping out of harms way, we make ourselves unnecessary martyrs and victims. We give the adversary, the negative person permission to be negative. The best one can hope to do under negative situations with negative people is maybe not hate them, but simply don't acknowledge them at all . . . to make them disappear. We should focus more on giving positive attention and acknowledgement to positive and loving people rather than trying to turn negative, hateful people into positive loving people. The latter should, at best, simply be left to their own devices. By turning our love on those who harm us in an attempt at “grace”, I feel we’re turning our backs on the good, positive people who truly do deserve and earn love. Most negative behavior is committed for one very basic primary reason. The perpetrator just wants way too much attention. I think if we stop "bending over" for our enemies, those who genuinely wrong us, and if we stop seeking vengeance when it isn't possible, and simply seek to move from these people and ignore them, there would be many less negative people. Because then, under those circumstances, what would be the point of being negative anyway?

Then again, to ponder Nikka’s true meaning, if we “hate” someone for reasons other than negatives deeds that they committed toward us and/or our loved ones, then it is we who need to reevaluate ourselves and become more positive. Otherwise we are the negative force I previously mentioned. This is just my opinion, but I’d love to hear yours. Feel free to scribe your comments.

-R.k.S.